P: So now I know where to focus my efforts in identifying concealed conditioning in my relationships. I will start with the person at the top of the list, which I generated earlier in this chapter, and work all the way down to the last person.
MQ: Yes. The unhealthy-ego’s intentions to perpetuate anguish and your intentions to end suffering meet on the frontiers of your volition. This is your private ‘front line’. The second and conspicuously more public battleground reveals itself in those who, for whatever their reasons, wish to challenge your interest in awakened living. Frequently, the unhealthy-ego in those who love you the most, proves to be your worthiest adversary. Remember to dearly embrace them with great care, and always forgive them, for they may not know what they do.
EVOLUTIONARY POINTER: People will often oppose your efforts toward authentic joy because the malicious ego-mind in them is having an adverse reaction to your awakening to the same ego-mind in you.
Eric’s Story: Eric led a destructive lifestyle. He worked as little as possible, slept all day and preferred to go out after nightfall. In all his darkness, however, he sensed that a better way was possible, but he was oblivious to what it might be. By the grace of coincidence, Eric met a wise and wonderful woman. Clara immediately recognized an authentic spark of interest in him. She introduced Eric to the concepts of awakened living through stillness meditation, selective silence, awakened choices, attentive action and trust. Clara’s way of being, however, defied what Eric had pictured as the philosopher’s lifestyle. But, it quickly became clear that Clara was free from most, if not all, unnecessary emotional and psychological suffering, so Eric followed her lead impeccably. Soon Eric noticed that he was changing in subtle and profound ways. He began to identify conditioning and the ways in which the ‘ego’ had restricted him within culturally accepted boundaries. Then he began to let go of some old relationships that primarily revolved around the motives of the unhealthy-ego.
As a result, a new light was beginning to emerge from the ruins of the old Eric and he eventually wished to introduce Clara to his parents. In this first meeting, Eric’s mother was quite cold toward Clara. This behavior was most unusual for his mother, especially since she knew Clara was prodding him to live in a new and enlivened way. When Eric asked his mother about her behavior, she said, “In this house I make the rules. This woman is not ‘good’ for you. She is no longer welcome here.” Eric was shocked, yet respected his mother’s wishes.
As the holidays approached, Eric was expected, as was customary, to attend a number of family events. In light of his obligations, he asked his mother for an update on her position on Clara. She told him that he was most welcome but added, “she has to stay in the car.” In Eric’s mind, he pictured Clara sitting outside with Nuba, his Husky pup! That year Eric made the painful decision not to go to the family dinners. After several visits home alone in the subsequent months, Eric’s mother unashamedly berated him about his recent choices. It was now clear to him that she was not interested in hearing about a way of living that had profoundly transformed him. After several more attempts, Eric finally gave up. Though it hurt, it seemed he was left with no other option.
Eric and Clara wed and are now working fulltime on projects related to the potential of awakening. He misses his family sometimes and wonders why his mother was so afraid to let him change and be happy. He was certain that having a son who was overjoyed to be alive was much better than one who had to leave the holiday dinner tables three or four times just to feed his cocaine habit. A pitiful solace for Eric was that he knew that the berating he received whenever he tried to discuss Clara with his mother, was not her, but the pathological ego-mind in her. Unfortunately, she was not aware of this, and for Eric to continue to battle with this aspect of his mom would have only exacerbated the suffering all around.
P: Okay. Eric’s Story reveals that sometimes our relationships can be extremely distressful, yet even with an offer of release, there is little interest in changing anything.
MQ: Who do you think might be hiding behind that logic?
P: The malignant side of the ego. Therefore, there may be some cases in which I am left with no option other than to detach for a while from those who continually try to sabotage my intent to be free?
MQ: Yes. And later on, of course, as your new perspective stabilizes, you can reenter those former life situations, if you wish. As always, though, be gentle and empathetic.
( © - "The Uncommon Path" by Irish author Mick Quinn.)
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